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Carolyn Nelson
22-10-05, 07:54
We like to put jokes in our bimontly Order of Runeberg newsletter. Does anyone know any jokes that are actually from Swedish-Finnorigin? One of my cousins sent me one but a friend here says it would not mean the same thing when translated to English. Are there any good ones that we could use? :confused:

granskare
22-10-05, 22:32
I don't believe there are many purely ethnic jokes of one group or another. For example, the joke I heard in America lent itself well with the initials TGIF (thank God it's Friday) but the joke is:
What is written on the shoes of blondes?
Answer: tgif (toes go in first)

I told that to a Swede-Finn a few years ago and he came back with this joke using the initials TF
What is written on the shoes of Norwegian blondes?
Answer: tf (toes frsta)

Maybe this could be the start of your Ph.D thesis covering the origins of Swedish-Finn jokes?

Chuck:D

June Pelo
23-10-05, 18:21
Here's a bunch of them:

http://connectedtofinland.com/jokes/finnishjokes.php

June

Juha
23-10-05, 18:58
It was snowing here in Tarvasjoki (near Turku) today and it remind me about this little story:

Living in Paradise

Jan. 10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

Jan. 11 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

Jan. 12 It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature has dropped to around 11degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Jan. 13 Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my butt in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

Jan. 14 Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white stuff last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That darn snowplow came by twice today.

Jan. 15 -2 degrees outside. More blasted snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

Jan.16 Darn blasted white snow keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the jerk that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to open our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Jan.17 Six darn more inches of blasted snow and sleet and ice and God knows what other kind of white crap fell last night. I wounded the snowplow jerk with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -62 degrees. I'm moving back to Spain


regards

Juha

June Pelo
23-10-05, 18:59
Here are some about the Swedes:

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Sweden. Swedish search and rescue workers have recovered 3000 bodies thus far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening...

The Russians have found a new easy way to sink Swedish subs. The method is very simple, they just send a diver down to knock on the sub's hatch. Upon which the Swedes reply, "Kom inn" (Come in). After the diver has waited awhile he knocks again, and then the Swedes will open the hatch to see who it is.

After travelling through Sweden last summer, I noticed that they had something written on the bottom of their soft drink bottles, "pnas p andra sidan" (Opens on the other end).

Did you ever hear about the swede who went ice-fishing and returned home with 10 lbs of ice?

Did you ever hear about the swede who hijacked a submarine and asked for 100.00 Kronor in ransom and a parachute?

Then there's the story about the swede who was building himself a house. One of his friends came by and asked why the heck he threw away every second nail? "They have the nail-head in the wrong end", the man replied. His friend became furious with him and shouted, "How stupid can you get? Don't you realize that those nails were made
to be used on the other side of the house???"

A swedish space-scientist came running into the office of his norwegian colleague. "The swedes will be the first to send a manned spaceship to the sun," he said. The norwegian colleague responded, "But the temperature will be millions of degrees there!" The swede stood there for a few seconds thinking, then he said, "Oh, don't worry, we will be landing during the night."

The swedish doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

"This letter is too heavy," the post-clerk stated, "You will have to put on an additional stamp." The swede looked wonderingly at him, "Will it be lighter then?" he asked.

A swedish road-worker was hired to paint the line that goes down the center of the road. The first day he managed to paint 2 kilometers, and his boss was very pleased. The next day he only painted 200 meters, but his boss thought that he'd probably started off too hard on the first day. But on the third day he was only able to paint 20 meters. The
boss called him into the office and demanded an explanation. "Well, you see it's getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the swede explained.

One foggy evening two swedes went out walking. One of the swedes was holding a flashlight, and suddenly he said to his friend: "Why don't you just climb up this light-beam when I am holding the flashlight upwards like this?" His friend looked at him and answered, "No, I can't do that. Because if I did, you would just turn off the light, and I would fall down."

A swede was driving along an interstate-highway for the first time. As he was listening to the radio the music was suddenly interrupted by a warning message which said that there was a car driving the wrong way on the highway.
"ONE?" the swede yells out, "there are several hundred of them out there!"

A norwegian drove into a swedish gas station, and wanted some help with his signal lights. After he'd changed the light-bulb, he asked the swede to check if it was blinking. The swede looked at it and said, "funkar, funkar inte, funkar, funkar inte. " (Works, doesn't work, works, doesn't work...)

A swede was asked if he had lived in Stockholm all his life. "Not yet," he answered.

There was a power failure in Stockholm, and hundreds of swedes were trapped in escalators.

There were these two swedish twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

In the washroom of all swedish resturants there is a sign saying, "Never throw your cigarette into the toilet. Remember that it is difficult to light up a wet cigarette.."

There was this swede who once got home and found his wife in bed with another man. He was so angry that he got a gun and pointed it to his own head. "NO! Don't do that," his wife begged. "Shut up woman! You'll be next," the angry swede replied.

There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a guy got up and said that he could tell a swedish joke. Suddenly a woman in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm swedish." The guide looked at her and said, "Oh, that's okay. We'll explain it to you
afterwards."

The little swedish kid asked his teacher why the days in the summer were so much longer. The teacher answered, "Oh, that's because the heat makes everything expand."

Then there's the one about the swede who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative of his...

A norwegian and a swede were at the movie theatre, and the norwegian bet that the hero would die during the movie.
The swede didn't believe him, and they ended up betting 100 Kroner on it. When the movie was over and the hero was dead, the swede began to give the money to the norwegian, but the norwegian interrupted him "I already saw the movie, so I knew he was going to die. Keep the money." The swede replied, "oh, I also saw the movie before, but I didn't think he would be tricked twice."

The Stockholm police got a wanted person report from interpol. With the fax there was a picture of the criminal, from right, left and straight on. Four days later the swedish police sent the following fax to interpol: "We've found the guys
on the left and the right, and one of our officers are about to arrest the guy in the middle."

A swede was in a nightclub in New York, dancing with a beautiful woman. He whispered into her ear, "I love you." She smiled and whispered back, "I love you too!" There was a little pause, the swede was thinking, then he whispered, "I love you three."

A swedish truck driver once got stuck in a tunnel in Norway. Soon a norwegian came by the tunnel and found out that the truck was wedged in with the load stuck against the ceiling. The norwegian suggested that the swede let the air out of the tires. The swede looked angrily at him, "You moron! The truck is stuck up on top."

A swedish student was in a bookstore. "This book will do half the job for you," the clerk said. "Good, I will have two, " the swede replied.

The sale of Vodka has increased dramatically in Sweden during the last year. The reason, they believe, is that they wish to become fluent in Russian.

Two swedes were sitting on a train when it entered a tunnel. They were sitting there in the darkness when suddenly one said, "Oh, how long this tunnel is." His friend then said, "Ah, that's just because we're on the last car of the train."

A swede called the airline and asked how long it would take for a plane to get from Stockholm to Paris. "Just a moment," the clerk said. "Oh, thank you," the swede replied and hung up.

The swedish Doctor to his patient: "It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

Sweden got a 5th place on a cross-country ski contest in Falun/Sweden. The next day the following text was written in the paper, "Again, Sweden did great in cross-country. There had to be 4 foreigners to beat one simple swede."

A swede was travelling on the night-train, but he couldn't find his seat. The conductor asked him if he could approximately remember where it was. "No," the swede said, "all I can remember is that there was a river outside of it."

Old swedish advice for dry skin: "Put some water on the skin, and rub it out."

A swede was reading the phonebook, "Svenson... Svenson.. Svenson.. It's incredible how many phones that guy has."

Kaj Granlund
02-11-05, 18:41
-My husband is 50 next week. There's a decade difference in our ages.
- Oh, I must say you don't at all look like 60.

If you bang your head against a wall and it sounds empty. Don't be sure the sound comes from the wall.

Juha
02-11-05, 20:43
Once upon a time there was a Finnish man who loved his wife SO MUCH, that he almost told her.





Is it cold? Not yet!

+15C / 59F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.

People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10C / 50F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.

+5C / 41F
Italian cars won't start.
The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.

0C / 32F
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Vantaa River gets a little thicker.

-5C / 23F
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.

-10C / 14F
The Brits start the heating in their houses.
The Finns start using long sleeves.

-20C / -4F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Finns end their Midsummer Celebrations - autumn is here.

-30C / -22F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.

-40C / -40F
Paris starts cracking in the cold.
The Finns stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50C / -58F
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-60C / -76F
Korvatunturi (Santa Claus lives there) freezes.
The Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.

-70C / -94F
The false Santa moves south.
The Finns get frustrated since they can't store their traditional booze Koskenkorva outdoors. The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.

-183C / -297.4F
Microbes in food don't survive.
The Finnish cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273C / -459.4F
All atom-based movement halts.
The Finns start saying "Perkele, it's cold outside today."

-300C / -508F
Hell freezes over.
Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

best regards

Juha

June Pelo
03-11-05, 20:14
Juha,

I just sent you a private message with some info.

June