View Full Version : Well, I hope these haven't been here before

05-12-05, 19:39
The little Swedish kid asked his teacher why the days in the summer were so
much longer. The teacher answered, "Oh, that's because the heat makes
everything expand."

Then there's the one about the Swede who brought his binoculars to a funeral
where they were going to bury a distant relative of his...

A Norwegian and a Swede were at the movie theatre, and the Norwegian bet
that the hero would die during the movie. The Swede didn't believe him, and
they ended up betting 100 Kronor on it. When the movie was over and the hero
was dead, the Swede began to give the money to the Norwegian, but the
Norwegian interrupted him "I already saw the movie, so I knew he was going
to die. Keep the money." The Swede replied, "Oh, I also saw the movie
before, but I didn't think he would be tricked twice."

The Stockholm police got a wanted person report from Interpol. With the fax
there was a picture of the criminal, from right, left, and straight on. Four
days later the Swedish police sent the following fax to Interpol: "We've
found the guys on the left and the right, and one of our officers are about
to arrest the guy in the middle."

A Swede was in a nightclub in New York dancing with a beautiful woman. He
whispered into her ear, "I love you." She smiled and whispered back, "I love
you, too!" There was a little pause, the Swede was thinking, then he
whispered, "I love you three."

A Swedish truck driver once got stuck in a tunnel in Norway. Soon a
Norwegian came to the tunnel and found that the truck was wedged in with the
load stuck against the ceiling. The Norwegian suggested that the Swede let
the air out of the tires. The Swede looked angrily at him, "You moron! The
truck is stuck up on top."

A Swedish student was in a bookstore. "This book will do half the job for
you," the clerk said. "Good, I'll take two," the Swede replied.

The sale of Vodka has increased dramatically in Sweden during the last year.
The reason, they believe, is that they wish to become fluent in Russian.

Two Swedes were sitting on a train when it entered a tunnel. They were
sitting there in the darkness when suddenly one said, "Oh, how long this
tunnel is." His friend then said, "Ah, that's just because we're on the last
car of the train."

A Swede called the airline and asked how long it would take for a plane to
get from Stockholm to Paris. "Just a moment," the clerk said. "Oh, thank
you," the Swede replied and hung up.

The Swedish Doctor to his patient: "It's very important that you take this
medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

Sweden took 5th place on a cross-country ski contest in Falun, Sweden. The
next day the following text was written in the paper, "Again, Sweden did
great in cross-country. It took 4 foreigners to beat one Swede."

A Swede was traveling on the night-train, but he couldn't find his seat. The
conductor asked him if he could remember approximately where it was. "No,"
the Swede said, "all I can remember is that there was a river outside of

Old Swedish advice for dry skin: "Put some water on the skin, and rub it

A Swede was reading the phonebook, "Svenson... Svenson.. Svenson.. It's
incredible how many phones that guy has."

05-12-05, 20:04
A Swede was stuck with his car in a steep icy hill and couldn't move the car up the hill because the rear wheels were spinning on the ice.

"Try to find some sand to throw under your rear wheels a by-passing Norwegian suggested."

"Do you think I'm stupid or something. Of course I have to throw the sand under the front wheels. They are the ones that won't move an inch."