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granskare
20-03-06, 06:09
I was thinking about how the status symbols of today is those pagers that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust"

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease.... that's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Good Doctor!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

Santa Claus has the right idea ... Visit people only once a year.

By all means, marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

What's the use of happiness?
It can't buy you money.

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

I don't feel old.
I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.

A woman drove me to drink ...
and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

The cardiologist's diet:
If it tastes good ... spit it out.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

sune
20-03-06, 10:18
Originally posted by granskare
I was thinking about how the status symbols of today is those pagers that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

Here in Finland pagers went obsolete abt. 10 years ago. No one uses them, because almost everyone has a cell phone. Those who hasn't, fake it by talking into the remote control of the TV

Sune